"Poisonous Nostalgia" and the Fear of Having Missed Out

A January, 2014 opinion piece from The Daily Beast can be summed up in this paragraph:

' In every issue,New York magazine asks a notable New Yorker a series of questions, including the standard “Which do you prefer, the old Times Square or the new Times Square?” To cite a random recent example, actress and West Village denizen Patricia Clarkson offered the expected and acceptable answer: “Old Times Square. It just didn’t seem like a theme park.” Because there is a correct answer, of course. '

It's an interesting read, and no doubt a provocative one if you are of the opinion that "Old New York" is better than current New York. For me, it speaks to a powerful kind of malaise that seems to jump out from the shadows from time to time - a fear that I have missed out something better, cooler, more interesting, or more fulfilling.

I experienced this when I moved to Austin and was told by friends who had lived there for some years that the city was less fun that it had been before. It was hard for to imagine that was the case, since I had no problem finding enjoyable places to be. It has been a similar experience moving to New York, though I half expected it to be this way. A lot of the people I know here have a distinct look on their faces when they talk about how it used to be here - wistful, sad, and very, very, nostalgic. 

Growing up, I had always imagined that somewhere, people were having incredible experiences. They were seeing the best bands, having the wildest parties, accumulating stories that could fill the pages of a lurid book. I don't often feel like this anymore, as I can happily say I have had some experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. I really do believe that you can control how exciting or fulfilling your life is. Yet it is hard to hear people talk about the good old days with such awe and fervor without feeling some jealousy. 

I have no idea what it was like to live here, especially as a teenager. All the Lou Reed and Cro Mags songs in the world can't really tell the whole story of what growing up in the dirtier, older version of New York was like. I simply won't permit myself to become despondent over a nostalgia that doesn't belong to me. 

I do know that I felt a sharp discomfort walking around Union Square a few days ago, when I happened to look at a painting being sold by a local artist. It was a scene of a city street, a lot like something you might see on a New Yorker cover, only it showed a busy corner Starbucks, right next door to a Papa John's. Consider that for a moment. That corner Starbucks, next to a Papa John's - that scene might as well be from my hometown. After all, the Papa John's at which I worked in high school is next to a Starbucks in a suburban strip mall. Now, sadly, we can have the experience of the suburbs here in New York City. No matter if you yearn for the days of Taxi Driver or think Giuliani was a great mayor, I think we could all agree that New York is supposed to be a city apart. This is meant to be a place like none other. What was the point of moving here if I could have just lived anywhere else?